This past April I flew from Honduras to St Louis to attend the funeral of my Aunt. After barely 48 hours there I flew to Ohio just in time to be in the wedding of two of my closest friends. I then spent 2 weeks fundraising before getting in a car and driving to Virginia with my two best friends. I planned to spend a week there soaking in some quiet time.....some me time for once. After 2 1/2 years of living in Honduras and fundraising every time I came home I was ready for the week.
However, at the end of the week I just felt even more restless. Getting on a plane felt all wrong. I couldn't, in good conscience, go back to Casa if I wasn't sure what God was wanting me to do. It wouldn't have been fair to the kids....or to me for that matter to walk in for a couple of weeks and THEN decide I wasn't supposed to be there. So I changed my ticket and extended my time in Virginia.
Around this time all of the chaos in Honduras started. Most of the missionaries I know down there got on planes and flew back to the states for awhile. So I too stayed where I was. I began working as a nanny for a Honduran family in Virginia. Their daughter Isabel is just a month younger than my Izzy. Their Isabel had been born with medical problems just as Izzy had been. It was an uncanny "coincidence." My time with those kids brought so much joy and comfort to a heart that was missing the Casa kids so much.
Yet, I didn't really let myself grieve. It took me until October to finally give in and allow myself the time to grieve the loss of living in the country I had come to love. It all just seemed to hit me at once and it brought me to my knees. It was the first moment I openly admitted to myself that I wasn't, at least right now in the near future, moving back to Honduras.
In July I applied for a position at an emergency homeless shelter called ForKids. It was a position that required a 4 year degree but a lady at our church encouraged me to apply anyways. She put in a good word and helped me fine tune a resume. After not hearing anything for awhile I figured someone more qualified had gotten the job. However, in the beginning of September I was called in for an interview and I got the job! I was offered a part time position or a full time one. After much contemplation and prayer I chose to walk away from full time hours and benefits and took the part time job. I know most of you probably think I'm crazy but my heart just wasn't ready to give up on the Honduras thing. I felt God calling me to still be involved down there by leading teams down.
I've been in contact with some of the colleges in both Virginia and Ohio and will hopefully begin next fall with traveling to the campuses to speak about Honduras and rally together more people who might want to go on a trip. I just got back from leading a 10 day team and I'll be leading another team in March and June.
I still financially care for Izzy. She is staying with a pastor and his wife in Honduras. I send money monthly for her food, diapers, meds, etc. I hate that I can't be there to care for her myself but she is in good hands. My heart LOVED having her near me while I was in Honduras. I was actually able to be there to celebrate her 6th birthday with her on January 2nd.
I've begun working for a different family as their full time nanny as well as still working at the shelter part time. I'm about 7 classes away from having a degree and I'm slowly chipping away at that. Seeing as how I don't necessarily need a degree in this moment and I would rather not have to take out a loan to go back full time I'm fine with things moving along slowly. I'll finish as I have the money to do so.
I could go on for another hour or more about the job at the shelter but there will be time for that in later posts. For now I'll leave you with this. I'm doing well. God has provided me with amazing jobs that allow me to pay all of my bills, take care of Izzy, AND take time off every 3 months or so to travel to Honduras. Thank you for your prayers and your concern.