Monday, December 11, 2006

Gods answers

So I just had a huge thing written in this blog and my computer froze and I lost it all. Long story short some of you may know but I have spent the last week contemplating and praying about an offer I was presented with that would allow me to work/live at an orphanage in Honduras. As I sat praying this morning I was fearful. I didn't know what to do or if i was supposed to be going. I didn't know if I was prepared enough to do this. I was starting to think it would be better if God sent someone else. I had some good prayer time with God and had lots of question. While in prayer I had my itunes playing. As I ended up my prayers and sat down at my computer to work on a paper the song below began to pay. I hadn't paid much attention that a new song was on or what it was. However the music changes a little between the first and second second and it grabbed my attention. As it did I heard these words....."But I listened when You said to go And I set out in spite of my fears About truth mixed with my imperfection And the question of what to say when I got here" I sat back in awe. God was answering the prayers that had just left my lips seconds before. He truly is amazing. I have felt every emotion there is to feel in the past week because of the decisions but every time I feel I have come to a wall that will stop me from going God tears down that wall like it is made of legos or something. I'm scared.....I'm confused....but I'm going. I don't know when for sure yet but I'm going.
Walking with you is not without hazardsTrippings this traveler's cursePrice paid for falling is more than my stumbleIn a world that is watching and waiting for worseBut I listened when You said to goAnd I set out in spite of my fearsAbout truth mixed with my imperfectionAnd the question of what to say when I got hereAnd now that I'm hereShould I tell them that You are the one who has made meAnd saved me and set up a home there insideShould I tell them that I am a perfect exampleOf all You can do with a life.What should I say to them?What if I'm failing them?What should i tell the tonight?Now don't get me wrongI'm thankful to be hereWith this song to sing and a spotlight on me,But lately I'm wondering if you are mistaken,If you're seeing all of me there is to see.Cause on every face I detectThe same questions I've posed to you Like do you speak through the imperfectAre we too dirty for your light to get through?I want your light to get through.What should I tell them whenThey're thirsty LordMy cup is empty LordCome and lead me here in this placeCuz I'm unashamed, but I'm unpreparedAnd I'm just plain afraid

Friday, December 8, 2006


So I decided if I was to truly blog about this experience I should post some things I had written before I came.

Ever have one of those days where your heart is so completely full? No matter what emotion or feeling it is full of just that feeling that it couldn't expand any more. Today is one of those days. I'm stressed with classes and swamped with homework but yet my heart is light and full of longing. I long to be gone from here. I long to be in a far off land serving its people and loving them with every part of my being. I long to be doing what I have felt called to do for so long. I read a quote today....In a contagious world, we learn to keep our distance. If we get too close to those who are suffering we might get infected by their pain. It may not be convenient or comfortable. But only when you get close enough to catch their hurt will they be close enough to catch your love." - John Ortberg It couldn't explain the cry of my heart any better. I want to love those that no one else wants to love. I want to share Christ with those that feel forgotten. I want to make a difference in lives of people who feel so completely lost. I want to be living and doing ....However, right now as I look at the work load I have to tackle I feel like I will never get there. I start to question why I am here and what purpose this whole college life holds for me. Why can't I be in a far of land learning more about life and love than I could ever imagine. I mean what better teacher is out there than our Maker? I long to throw myself fully into his classroom of life and free fall into whatever that leads me too. However, there is still a part of me that feels compelled to be here as if there is something I have yet to learn. Something holds me in this place. So I stay and allow myself to grow daily and prepare for the road the Lord is setting before me. My longing grows but hopefully the more it grows so will my relationship with the Lord.