City Dump

I wanted to add the link for a video of the dump ministry that is going on. http://www.micahcentral.org/dumpintro.htm I pray that you all view the video to get a better idea of what it is like.

City Dump

Last weekend Colby, Jen, and I met up with Gina and 3 other American girls to spend a day at the city dump. We were joining forces with a local church whose youth have spent every Saturday over the past few years attempting to provide for those living within the limits of the dump the one thing they were severely lacking: a good meal. We met up with them at their church and got to see where the meals were prepared. After loading up the food we headed out to the dump. I happened to be one of the ones riding in the back of the truck and after about 30 minutes of driving I began to smell a stench that could only mean one thing…we were vastly approaching our destination. The smell coupled with the fact that the sky was full of vultures did little to prepare us for what lay just ahead of us. We rounded the corner and I got my first glimpse of what it truly meant to be in need. Since my arrival here I have witnessed thing after thing that has left me shocked and amazed…saddened and sickened. However, nothing I have witnessed so far could have readied me for the short time I would spend in service that day. While I knelt in the back of the truck over a huge plastic tub full of noodles dishing out plate after plate I couldn’t keep my gaze off of those in line. They pushed and crowded, jostled and fought their way to the front of a line that was more important than any line I’ve ever stood in. As I gazed into the eyes of women, men, and yes the worst: children I couldn’t stop the tears that found their way to the corners of my eyes. Then as my spoon began to scrap bottom I was faced with the sad reality that the food was going to run out before the line did. It was going to be my job to look back into those starving faces and admit defeat. It was up to me to drop my spoon back into the tub, slide the lid back on, and call it a day. My head kept trying to comfort my heart with the fact that we had served hundreds of plates but my heart accepted that fact for about the two seconds it took me to stand up and survey the madness surrounding me. Dump trucks were pulling in non-stop to dump the remains of what we “rich folk” had thrown out. The amount of trash that they contained was endless. As each truck came in you would see people swarm the dumping area in search for something they could use for a home, as clothes, or simply things they could eat to get them through yet another day. As they sat sorting the goods that had been left behind I couldn’t help but be reminded that I now live in a country that doesn’t flush their toilet paper but instead places it in the trash can to be disposed of later. I was also thought of all of the things that we place in the trash on a day to day basis: dirty diapers, spoiled food, feminine products, and so much more. Yet here I was in a place where 10’s of thousands of people depended on those bags of trash as a means of survival. Then suddenly I was hit full force by the guilt. Why was I the lucky one? Why was I the one to be born into a good family that could afford the luxuries of life? Why is it that I grew up thinking going hungry meant eating dinner later than 5? Here I was sporting a new pair of sandals while the people before me were walking around mismatched tennis shoes that someone discarded after the sole began to fall off of them. What is it about being American that makes us think we deserve better or that we have earned better. Simply because I was born American gives me advantages that children here will never know. There are city dumps in America…thousands of them. Yet none of them are used to provide “public housing” to thousands and thousands of people. I was once again humbled by the life that lay before me. A life that I had been ignorant of for years. As we prepared to leave I surveyed the scene one final time in an attempt to embed it so firmly in my mind that I would never be able to get it out. That it might always serve as a reminder of how truly lucky I am and how many out there need OUR help. It is a good thing for mental pictures because seconds later as I stood waiting for Gina to unlock my door a man ran up behind me and stole the camera I had in my hand. I had been taking pictures and had wrapped the strap around my wrist before placing the camera in the palm of my hand and pressing that against my hip. However, in a moment of sheer stupidity I had turned my back to look into the car to wait see when Gina got the car unlocked. Well as I stood there a man grabbed me from behind ripping my arm away from my body. Then in one fluid motion he latched onto the camera with one hand and while still holding my arm tore the camera from my arm. In fact he pulled so hard and had such a tight hold that he released the camera from the strap that held it to my arm and took off. It happened so fast that I wasn’t sure what was going on. Colby (who was standing with me) had little time to react other than to grab hold of me in fear that he may have tried to run off with me instead. In the seconds after we both stood staring at one another in disbelief. The only proof that I had that the event actually had taken place was the elastic band still connected to my wrist and the feel of that hand on my elbow. Getting into the car and retelling the events to Gina I was surprised to find that in place of the fear or anger that probably should have come with such a situation I only had compassion and sorrow for this young man that was so hungry had to steal to pay for a decent meal. (That is at least what I’m telling myself the money will go to after he sells it) That the hard life that he had been raised with had taught him little about values, morals, or right from wrong. How could I feel anger after I had stood at the doorstep of poverty with my expensive camera, my nice clean clothes, and my naïve attitude? I lost my camera but I learned one of the best lessons life had to offer me. However, that also means that until I raise money for a new one I will be unable to take and post pictures for you all like I have in the past. Bare with me and I promise to do my best to sneak them off of other peoples cameras so that you will still get to see the beautiful faces of my children from time to time. In the mean time remember that somewhere out there is a starving belly or a body in need of some clothes. Remember that you are blessed beyond belief and that those blessings are gifts from our Savior.

Trust

I recently talked with a friend who was finding that trusting God wasn’t as easy in this phase of life as it has been in the past. She has come to the realization that right now as there is a storm raging around her and life is more full of changes than security that she isn’t quite so sure how to find the strength she has always had in her faith. Stumbling for the light in the dark and searching for the hand hold to pull herself up with. As I listened to her struggles and searched deep for the words of wisdom she needed I realized that I had little to offer. I had no answers to give because I too have been finding myself in a similar spot lately. How do I trust him with a future that is so uncertain? How do I learn to let go of life when I have felt the need to be in control for so long? Trust is hard. However, it is so important…..so to this friend and any of you out there that are finding yourself having the same struggle ...know that I am in the same boat. Even though I have no words of wisdom or easy answers I promise that I will be here holding out my hand offering to share my faith and love with you.

Take my hand and walk with me a while
Cause it seems your smile has left you
And don't give in, when you fall apart
And your broken heart has failed you
I'll set a light upOn a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on'
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Take my love when all that you can see
Is the raging sea all around us
And don't give up 'cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
help our unbelief

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on'
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
The God who has saved us
Will never forsake us
he's coming to take us
Take us to our home

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Take my hand
Take my love
Don't give in
Don't give up

Simply Pictures

Luby and Yovani...my tough boys!:)

Monica Cindy and Fernando's first day of school

Little Antonio can't get much cutier

Tiger Woods anyone?...Little Bryan pulls off this look like no other 8 year old I know.

Luby always trying to look tough. We know better!:)

Danile has gotten quite lovey in the past few days.

Have I mentioned yet that I have the best friend in the entire

world. She loves me enough to follow me to another country just to visit me!:)

Jacob did so great with our kids. They loved having him here so

much that there were moments when he needed a bigger lap.


Family photo. 2 crazy boys..2 crazy weeks..1 crazy friendship!

From the cold hard streets of Antioch

I am ever amazed at the circles and loop da loops the ride of life takes me on. I like to think that in the beginning before the days of sin that our walks looked more like a straight line. Our paths were parallel to God’s will and we were walking hand in hand with Him. Then suddenly with one bite of an apple all that changed. Instantly our walks began to look more like to rollercoaster ride at the Happy Holiday Fun House. However, even now I believe God is still there walking with us...holding our hand. He is guiding us along and is putting things in our paths to direct us more on the straight and narrow. Sometimes these things come in the form of a road block that forces us to change the course of our lives completely. Other times they come in the shape of a new friendship born from God’s dreams of what tomorrow could hold for us. Recently I experienced the latter of the two. Working in the mission field means there are constantly people coming in and out of my world. Whether it be a group coming for 10 days, people who work alongside our ministry and are in and out a lot, or individuals who drop into our world out of the most random of circumstances. Therefore, a couple of weeks ago when Karen called home to “warn” me that there would be a couple of guys showing up to do work at the house I realized that I really shouldn’t be surprised. They were coming to help us set up a garden that would hopefully produce fruits/vegetables for our home for years to come. It was our attempt to not only save money on buying the food but also more importantly to teach our children life skills that would help them in the future. So I went into the house to prepare a place for them to stay and to get myself ready as well. I was the only one here and was expected to “do my best to make them feel welcome and answer any questions they may have had.” Little did I know that these “guys” we were expecting were two college age boys (Jacob and Nathan) from Tennessee. Even more unexpected was the relationship that was to be born in the 12 days that we would spend together. Together with Nathan and Jacob, Colby and I found a sense of community that is seldom experienced in today’s world. It is an illusion that implies proximity, interconnectedness and unity. However, all too often it is misconstrued to be this thing that we experience in the workplace or within our neighborhoods, at school or within our churches. It has been cheapened to encompass daily interactions with people who we rarely know beyond the surface. But in those unexpected moments, when true community is experienced, it will be known without a shadow of a doubt. Such community was felt from the moment Nathan and Jacob came into our world and was only reinforced with each meal we prepared, seed we planted, and conversation we shared. Over the course of 2 short weeks, much of our time was spent in fellowship, true fellowship, and for the first time in a long time I experienced the sincerity of community in its rawest form, as God intended it to be. Just as Jesus spent all of his time in communion with his disciples, so does he still desire the same level of relationships for us. However, it is we who have defiled the sacredness of this incredible blessing. We have become a truly individualized society, in which interaction is becoming more and more optional. This is perhaps the greatest injustice of our modern day society. We have forgotten the joy that comes from truly allowing ourselves to bring down those guarded walls that we so protectively place around our hearts. As is human nature we find ourselves believing the lie that community must provide a sense of longevity and remains solely one dimensional. However, the time I spent with these boys showed me otherwise. Community can be born in any time frame and in the most unlikely of circumstances. If only we would allow ourselves to achieve the level of vulnerability conducive to the development of true friendship, we might all experience community as it was intended. It is that level of community that has the potential to penetrate the deepest places of our hearts. So to these two boys I would like to say thank you. Thanks for reminding me just what community really means. Thanks for showing me that even here in this place I can form meaningful relationships that defy all reason. Thanks for walking into my world and not only seeing it through open eyes but also loving it with an open hearts. You have forever left your fingerprints on my heart and embedded some great memories in the scrapbook of my mind.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring t he relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent has been answered and now it's time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is omnipotent and discerning Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you are to be a reason, a season or a lifetime. You will never be forgotten.

on our knees

I’m in much need of some prayer. So prayer warriors arise it is your turn to step into a place of action on behalf of Casa. There have been moments today when I felt that I was about to reach the end of my abilities to do my part of this ministry. Thankfully I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and that I can rest in the assurance that you all have my back. To be more specific on my prayer request let me just walk you through my day! I woke around 7 to help Dilcia with the kids…I mean we have 16 now which is no small task to take care of. Not to mention that we found out earlier this week that Cindy, Monica, and Fernando all got to start school today. So there was a lot going on this morning as we had 6 to get ready for school and 10 others to take care of as well. After helping out with morning stuff I retreated to the porch to take some time for morning devo…we of course still had no electricity! Well shortly after Karen found me to tell me that our two new girls had come with little friends all throughout their hair. Oh yes we now had a lice problem times 2. I was recruited to help shampoo their dark little locks. I then sat on the back porch with rubbing alcohol, a towel, and a fine toothed comb sorting through the layers of their hair looking for the unwanted company. Done with that task I decided it was time to pull out the generator before all of our food went bad. Enlisting the help of Dorian we managed to not only get it started but also to move it out back where we could run an extension cord to all the major appliances that were in need of a little power. I was just heading back inside when Karen mentioned that Luvin had locked himself in his bedroom and wasn’t opening up. She was headed for the key and I headed to see what I could do to help. From there it was a snowball effect. A locked door led to a punishment which led to a defiant child which led to more punishment. Karen and I ended up having to carry him back to his room after he refused to listen to anyone and became a threat. Again it was all downhill from there. Taking over so that Karen could go back with the other kids I began to do my best at calming him down and talking him into listening. Let’s just say ..it didn’t work. The battle continued on throughout the next 2 ½ hours and got worse before it got better. To make a LONG story short I ended up having to remove him from the bedroom because he was trying to get at the other kids and was being loud while they all were trying to nap. Once I got him in the dining area I lost all control. The real fight began then. He was angry and I became the punching bag. I’m not sure if I have mentioned but he is with us because he ran away after being beaten on for 12 years. He then lived on the streets for awhile. So this is one very hard kid with a lot of anger built up within him. I also should mention again that he is 12 and comes up to my shoulder! Not exactly the easiest child to battle with. I spent the 2 hours blocking exits, restraining, and doing my best to keep either of us from getting hurt. We ended up clearing the room of anything. All tables, chairs, or other objects were moved to the parameter of the room or were used to help block an exit. I make light of the situation but it was anything but that. It was draining, heart wrenching, and downright difficult. I know that at any moment I could have tapped out and let someone else handle the situation. However, I knew that I might be the only one in the house that was able to deal with Luvin not out of anger, frustration, or irritation but instead out of love, sadness, and pain. So I stayed. I wrapped tightly my arms around his flailing body and whispered I love yous and other words of affirmation in his ears. I let him know how much I wanted him to live there and what a good boy I knew he was. I spoke words of prayer over him and lifted his name to the heavens numerous times. I begged the Lord on his behalf and shouted at the Devil for his hand in the situation. No matter how many tears he shed, what bad words came from that little ones mouth, (there were many) how many bite marks or bruises he gave me, or how many things he threatened to throw at me there was no part of me that felt anger toward this child. Instead I felt sympathy. Anger is all he has ever known. Running and fighting are the only two qualities that have ever been instilled in him or modeled for him. The thing that struck me the most was the fact that he didn’t want to hurt me. In my attempt to not inflict pain on him or show him more anger/violence than he has already been shown I left myself open numerous times. He had ample opportunity to hit me, throw things at me, kick me, etc. and he didn’t. He would raise something above his head (a chair for instance) as if to throw it at me but would allow me to walk slowly up to him and grab it from his hands. Furthermore, he would act like he was about to step on my very bare toes but would stomp just inches from them. The only times he truly hit me was when he was trying to escape my hold. It was as if in his blinding rage something in his brain kept reminding him that he truly didn’t want to be doing what he was doing but had little control. Finally, after 2 hours he was wearing down and ready to talk with Jen when she arrived. It was then that I found my time to escape. I allowed Jen and Karen to step into the role that I had been playing for so long and sought refuge in the confines of 4 walls, a soft pillow, and my quiet prayers to the Lord. Once there I allowed myself to sob through the scenes that had just occurred. However, I wasn’t crying because of the pain that had been inflicted upon me or the insults that had been hurled at me. Instead I cried for the pain that I had seen welling up within those big brown eyes. I cried for the hardened heart that had stood before me fists raised. I cried for the past that had created such a tough little boy. I WILL NOT give up on this little one. Call him my project. Call him mission. Call him whatever you want but I will not quit. See no matter how many times he hit me or how many attempts he made at hurting me I could never see anything but a little boy cowering in a corner as someone beat the tar out of him. That image was what kept any chance of anger at bay and allowed me to deal with him not out of frustration but out of arms of love. There have been moments before and after the “incident” that I’ve glimpsed the boy within this anger captive body. Just tonight as I sat here blogging about him he sought me out. He came to porch and without a word wrapped those ever so strong arms around my neck and with every ounce of his proven strength squeezed the stuffing out of me. Then with his arms snug around me he whispered… “I’m sorry. I really do want to live here.” There is a little boy in there fighting just as big of a battle to get out as the battle we fought today. So I ask that you would please be praying for this little one. Pray that he would be softened and that the boy within will be able to find a way to break through the bondage. Again today I was reminded of the quote that I would consider the mission statement for my life….. “In a contagious world, we learn to keep our distance. If we get too close to those who are suffering we might get infected by their pain. It may not be convenient or comfortable. But only when you get close enough to catch their hurt will they be close enough to catch your love." - John Ortberg I don’t want to keep my distant for fear of getting hit or getting lice. I don’t want to tuck tail and run for fear that I’ll get to close. I want to stay. I want to wrap my arms around them knowing that I could be inflicted by their pain but also that somewhere in the midst of that closeness they might be touched by my love.

And then there were 16

So many stories to share with you all but not enough words in the English language to do them justice. However, in an attempt to once again connect you with this place, my heart, and God’s sense of humor I will attempt to find some way to express the events of the past 72 hours. As you know we met with the judge on Monday about the Brian and Rudy situation. You also know that we were to pick them up today. Well the part of the story that I didn’t mention before was this…. While we were sitting in the Judge’s office waiting for the mom to come in she mentioned that she had a 12 year old boy upstairs named Luvin that had no place to go. He has a past of bad bad physical abuse and had run away from home. He had been placed in another home but his mother had come and taken him out. After running away a second time he was living on the street. They had brought him in and were trying to find a placement for him. After mentioning if he was upstairs (with a sneaky little grin on her face) she says “would you like to see him.” We said we would meet with him. As the judge left the room to go get the little one Jen looks over at me and says “wanna take home 3?” With a grin I answered that maybe it was the reason God had placed us there and allowed the Bryan and Rudy situation to take so long. Well in walked Luvin with his scarred up body, scared little smile, and freckled face. After talking to him for a few minutes it was official…we were putting him in our truck and taking him home. From there you know how the rest of our day…went to the mom’s house, got the paperwork signed, and set up plans to return on Wednesday for Bryan and Rudy. Let’s just say that the first 48 hours with Luvin was a bit of a challenge. At 12 years of age he is 2 years older than our almost 10 year old oldest child. He out powered, out intimidated, and out mouthed every child that we have. His attitude was one of a child who had been through a lot and had learned to harden himself from the world. We found out that the home he used to live in was the one and only Jimmy Hughes orphanage and that he had cousins living there. He was very adamant about the fact that he wanted to be back there and did not enjoy staying with us. He also did little to hide the fact that he would indeed run away if we didn’t allow him to return to Jimmy. Like I said….the first few hours were a bit of a challenge! We tried everything we could to satisfy him. We were nice. We called Jimmy to see if he could go there. We tried appeasing him in every way we could think of. However, nothing seemed to be working. So yesterday when Jen headed into the city to pick up Bryan and Rudy from the judge she took Luvin back ready to admit defeat. We could not put our children at risk. We could not take the risk of him running away while he was our responsibility. So we all stood in the driveway waving goodbye with almost a sigh of relief escaping our mouths as we watched the gates close behind them. For the time we were back to having just 10 children. We went about our day as usual…Colby and I even managed to sneak a nap in somewhere between our morning shift and when Jen was to be home. We had just gotten up and was on the back porch doing our devotions when Karen walked up. I’ll never forget the next few moments as long as I live. She slowed when she reached us and then with a look of pure apprehension on her face says “Jen called me and she’s bringing home 6.” Completely clueless and hoping she didn’t mean what I thought she meant I replied “6 …what exactly?” Of course her answer was “6 new kids” why wouldn’t Jen be bringing home 6 new kids. Astonished I was like what the heck…6…really. To my surprise (as well as all of yours I’m sure) I of all people was speechless for a few moments. As I sat trying to wrap my mind around what 6 new children would mean for this place I couldn’t find words to explain all the emotions whirling within my head. We talked for a few minutes about what needed to be done before I did the only thing I knew to do…I went back to my bible/journal and sought comfort in the one place that comfort was going to be possible in those first moments when every worst case scenario was playing out in my head. 30 minutes later I heard that ever familiar beep signaling that Jen was home and it was go time. Have I mentioned that we had lost electricity sometime in the midst of all of this and still didn’t have it back? So yes Jen was walking into our dark home with 6 new children and no way of shedding light onto an already dark situation. I met Jen at the door to find that only 3 of the 6 children were with her. The other 3 were coming later. It was a welcome surprise to be able to relish in the fact that at long last Bryan and Rudy were walking through our front door and into my arms! After hugging the stuffing out of them I turned with tears in my eyes to Colby, did my happy dance, and threw my arms around her while continually saying “there here” “there really here!” Gone were thoughts of having 6 new children as I simply enjoyed the feel of those sweet sweet boys within my embrace. I can remember thinking only one thing… God is good. Even as I turned to the third child…the one and only Luvin I was sincere when I said “I’m glad you’re back.” At that moment nothing was going to rain on my parade and I was ready to take on the world so what was one defiant and hard child. Unable to place him anywhere else and after a day of bonding with Jen, Bryan, and Rudy he had somehow found his way back to Casa. I stood staring at him, thinking of what his return could mean for all of us, and trying to figure out how I felt about it all when it hit me. He was just returning to any orphanage he was returning to Casa de Esperanza…House of Hope. The one thing we are founded on and stand behind is the simple fact that we might be able to provide a sense of hope and security in the lives of children who have none. With the dawning of this realization came the crashing reality that Luvin was no different than any one of our other children. He had a battered past that left little room for a hopeful future. He needed what we could provide…love, hope, security, and so much more. So yes he was back and we were going to make the most of it. We brought those three in and got them settled just in time for our next 3 to be dropped off. They are a family of 3. 2 girls and 1 boy. Danile age 4, Pamela age 10, and Fitto age 8. Again remember we have no electricity. I can’t imagine how scary it must be to have to walk into a new place full of new faces when you are that age. Let alone walking in when there is no electric. Feeling the need to explain her decision Jen sat down at the table with me and says “look you would have done the same thing.” J Good opener huh..I mean she knows me and we both knew it was true. She then goes on to explain that while sitting in the judges office the judge once again used her famous line and said “I’ve got 3 kids upstairs that need to be placed. Want to meet them?” She knows Jen almost as well as Jen knows me. She then gave the kicker. The kids were there because their mother had just been taken away for exploiting them. They were not only homeless but very much in need of some intense lovin! So she was right I would have done the same thing. The judge brought them in and within a matter of seconds the decision had been made. We were to become a house of 16. I might mention that they are ADORABLE. Their little faces hold this mixture of fear, torture, and desperation. They long to be held in a way that leads to nothing more than a tug on the heart strings. They long to have someone reach out to them and love them in a way they have never experienced. They long for safety and a promise that they never again have to be used as a meaningless tool of pleasure. I long to give them all that and more. I’ve been reminded time and time again why we are here. God is good….has a sense of humor for sure…but He is faithful. There are still moments when I stand back and think….oh gosh…there are 16 children here. However, when I see little Danile’s face light up as she comes running into my arms or feel Bryan’s hand in mine as he cuddles up next to me I’m reminded that it is all worth it.

Can I just say...Bryan and Rudy are FINALLY sitting at our table eating breakfast. I like that! :)