Izzy

It has officially been one week since I heard the news of Izzy passing away. A week of feeling like my heart has been split in two. A week of grief like I've never known it before. I miss her every moment of every day and I am still struggling to believe she is really gone. I loved that little one with every ounce of my being. I'm sure I failed her at times and that I didn't do everything right but I can promise you that I I loved her to the best of my ability.

A few months ago I came into contact with a girl because some art work she had made for a friend. I've never had the privilege of meeting her but during the past few months we have e mailed back and forth about a project she was going to do for me. During that time we have gotten to know each other on a deeper level. Today after hearing about Izzy she sent me the sweetest e mail......her words meant the world to me. She never got to meet Izzy.....heck she hasn't even met me. Yet God used her to touch my heart today and help me along in this grieving process....

"I am SO very glad you shared this with me... I can't even begin to imagine how heartbroken you must be. I don't know how you functioned there once learning the awful news, and I don't know how you're functioning at work for 12+hours at a time, as you cope with such a profound loss. I am so, so sorry, Ashley...

What a priceless series of gifts you have given Isabel in the "extension" of life God gave her--through you! I'm sure that if she'd been able to relay any messages to you on this trip, she would have wanted to thank you:
--for BEING IN HONDURAS, in the first place, when you could've been many other places...
--for FINDING her there in that village, and stopping to acknowledge her & reach out to her. I wonder how many people had previously seen/walked by her, yet left her there to die...
--for SEEING her for who she was: precious...sought after...and LOVED!
--for RESCUING her from what would've been a horrible, lonely death in that mountain village, years ago...
--for BELIEVING she could be helped--and for facilitating that precious process!
--for BEING WITH her, there in the hospital...company, to warm her heart...after such a long & isolated time of suffering silently where she'd been before...
--for PROVIDING for her physical needs, starting with medical care to help her frail little body grow stronger...
--for ADOPTING her as your own, giving her a true sense of identity...of belonging...and her first glimpse of God's love and tender care...
--for BEING HER TRUE MOTHER, nurturing her and showing her the opposite of what her biological "mother" had done...
--for STRUGGLING through the decision of what was best for Isabel, loving her unselfishly so that you gave her what was best for ISABEL, even when it meant an excruciating decision for YOU to have to leave her in others' care...
--for the EXTENSION OF LIFE you gave her as a result of your decision, allowing her body to keep healing/growing instead of giving her a setback by taking her to an all-new environment with other physical/medical risks.
--for the SUFFERING you endured, dealing with a huge hole in your own heart as you returned to the States without her, so that you could give her heart a chance to keep healing, miles away...
--for GIVING her the most priceless gift of knowing she is loved...through the years you cared for her & the stability you provided her, when all she'd known prior to that was abandonment and decline...

I will pray for you, Ashley, as you continue to process such a painful, devastating loss, and as you remember all those days and years with your precious little girl. I'll pray, too, that satan won't "beat you up" with any of the "what if's" and "if only's" he loves to taunt us with. God gave Isabel AND you a precious gift in one another. Hang on tight to those incredibly rich memories, and know that you made a PROFOUND difference in her little life!!! I know she made a difference in yours, too."

Thank you Rachel for your sweet sweet words. They touched my heart more than I could even begin to tell you.

For those of you who have never heard the story of Isabel I'm posting it below in 3 parts.