spiritually crippled

As you are all painfully aware (because I have mentioned it on here a million times) about 3 weeks ago little Monica broke her leg. You will remember me talking about the pain she was in as we drove to the hospital and the things that hearing one of your own wailing beside you does to a "momma's" heart. Well I never did truly finish the story. We took her into the city that night only to find out they couldn't set it until the next day. So they wrapped it and immobilized it the best they could and told us to come back the next morning so they could set and cast it. So not only did we have to drive down the mountain with her in pain but the ride back up the mountain wasn't much better. We then spent a very fitful night with her as she struggled to get comfortable enough to sleep. The next morning true to his word the doctor met us back at the hospital and set/cast her little leg. Well by the time she returned that day she still wasn't convinced that it was "all better yet." She wailed if you got close to her. She wailed if she had to move. AND she most certainly didn't want to ever have to move on her own. I'm sure you are noticing that this leaves few options. The doctor had assured us that she wasn't feeling pain anymore but from the way she was acting you would have thought she had just broken it. This continued for quite a few days. Still remembering the pain she had been in she was apprehensive about letting anyone near her for fear that the pain would return. Well she still has her pretty blue cast. We have all signed it and gone to great lengths to show her that we can knock on her cast, grab her cast, or move her leg and it doesn't hurt. She is finally moving around on her own and doing things on it again. She even figured out a way to climb up the play ground equipment and slide down again. Then just today she walked for the first time...which is a huge success since the cast goes up over her knee and keeps it from bending. She walks all hunched over like an old women because her right leg won't straighten. At times she will even only make it few steps before she loses her balance and falls on her butt. However, every time she falls she pushes herself back up onto her feet and is on her way again. It may take her awhile but she finally reaches her destination and she ALWAYS gets there with a grin on her face so big that you would think she just won a marathon.
I've been thinking a lot about our little Monica and her reaction to this whole experience. I can't say that I can blame her. I probably would have been scared to let anyone get close to me too. It made me stop and think about how often we do that in our own spiritual walks. We go through a particularly rough patch in life and come out of it spiritually crippled. We then spend who knows how long scared. We are scared of being touched. We are scared of anyone getting close. We are scared of hurting again. So we put up walls, we block out those that are trying to help, and we shut down. We focus so much on the pain that we felt that we forget about all the other moments in our walk. We forget that there was every a moment when walking or letting someone reach out to us didn't hurt. I want to challenge all of you who are currently feeling spiritually broken to stop for just a second so that God can remind you that even though it hurt for awhile that you are on the mend. That it is ok to put weight on that area and it is OK to trust again. You are going to have moments as you are hobbling along when you find yourself on your backside just push your way back to a standing position and start again. It is going to be a slow process. However, don't let that stop you from getting there with an ear to ear grin that lets everyone around you know that you made it! I can't promise Monica that she will never experience pain again but I can do my best to help her through this time. It is the same way with God. He isn't going to promise you will never have pain but He whispers words of encouragement for how to overcome those trials and tears. Don't be afraid to let Him carry you for a bit while you try and find your legs. I can't think of a more comforting pair of arms. For those of you that are doing the reaching out and finding the receiving party crying out in frustration and anguish don't be discouraged. They notice those helping hands and they need them. It just might take them awhile to figure out how to accept them. Hang in there and know that we are never alone even when we are going through the fire.

Kids will be kids

I am struck daily by how unpredictable children really are. How true is the statement kids will be kids. No matter what we tell them or how many times they are constantly doing their own thing. However, countless times I have found them in a situation where they really probably should have been "talked" to but I can't keep the smile off my face long enough to do it. That sort of situation happened last night. I had sent the girls to get ready for a shower and was helping do something in the kitchen. When I made it back to the bedroom I could hear the water running in the shower so curious as to what was happening I made my way back there. As I made it to the door way I could see sweet little Monica sitting half in the shower and half out. Let me remind you that she has a broken leg and isn't supposed to be getting the cast wet. (though it may have happened a few times already and we have sat with a hair dryer doing our best to fix the problem) With a groan I headed toward her telling her sweetly that she couldn't be in there. However, as I got closer the sound of giggles reached my ears for the first time. As I peered into the shower I found not only Monica but Marjuri as well. Marjuri had managed to get out of her shirt but was still very much wearing the pants we had put on her for the day and her jelly sandals!! Shower hose in hand she looks up with those sweet brown eyes as yet another giggle escapes. As frustrated as I wanted to be that Monica's cast was wet yet again or that Marjuri was soaked while still in her clothes, or that there was water EVERYWHERE I found that all I could do was giggle right along with them. After pulling Monica back out of the spray of the water I headed for my camera. I mean are you really surprised... I am the picture girl! :)

When I had finished the girls showers and cleaned up any messes I headed over to help Carlos with the boys. Carlos had just finished with Antonio and was attempting to dress him. I say attempting because all little Antonio wanted to do was dance! He is our little dancer for sure and was standing on the table shaking everything God gave him with the biggest smile on his face! You would have thought that there was music blasting from somewhere...nope just the music in his head. It didn't matter though because he was having the time of his life. Also about that time he noticed the mirror behind him and started hamming it up while watching himself. He is just started to figure out the whole reflection thing and loves it! He waves to himself, talks to himself, and gives himself kisses.

Another of our recent children discoveries would be Monica with her shadow. She is so amused by the fact that it is always with her and often pulls on your hand to say look look as she points to her shadow. She moves to see if it moves. She talks to it...the works. It is so fun to watch. I have said it before but life is so much sweeter when you are living it through the eyes of a child. Things that I've never taken the time to get thoroughly excited about like my shadow or my reflection! They don't care what that shadow or reflection looks like and they aren't real sure how it all works but it doesn't matter. How often do we see our reflection or shadow and think gosh I need to lose weight...cut my hair....get rid of these wrinkles. We've missed the point. It isn't about what that reflection/shadow looks like it is the fun of discovering it there day after day. They are images of the very finger prints of God.

Another one of the need a camera because you can't muster a "talk" situations happened the other night during dinner. Apparently Antonio wasn't hungry because while I was attempting to feed the other kids, get drinks, and answer the momma mommas Antonio managed to not only dump his bowl upside down but also spill his drink. He then proceeded to mix them together on his little table and make a paste substance for his hair. He would mix it around with his hand then run his hand over his head and all over. I was oblivious to any of this until one of the other children pointed out that I may want to do something!!! He was a mess, the floor was a mess, his seat was a mess...and he hadn't eaten anything! However, no matter how much I needed to take the stuff from him and give him other food I couldn't. Instead...oh yes I went to get my camera and let him have a few more minutes of fun while I snapped picture after picture!

New PJ time!

While here with the Belpre group Grandma Joyce not only brought us nice curtains to hang in the windows but also pajamas for all the kids. They LOVE them. You should have seen the excitement last night as I unfolded them for the girls! Thanks Grandma Joyce for spending so much time and pouring so much love into those little sets of pajamas. They were great appreciated!

Explanations

So I'm sure there are those of you out there wondering just what the heck is going on with my blog. Why suddenly I'm throwing up blogs like it is my job. Well the answer is simple. One of the things I'm getting graded on and a requirement for being here is that I will blog 4 times a week. Since we already discussed the huge gap in my blogging life while the group was here you will understand when I say ...I'm a bit behind. So I'm playing catch up. They are blogs that I feel God has placed on my heart. I've spent the last couple of weeks jotting down notes of things that I wanted to share with you later but am just now getting to. However, I do apologize for the fact that my writing is a bit lacking right now. I'm posting blogs that I would have deleted and started over on simply because of my time crunch with homework. My semester is over in just one week and I have tons to do if I'm going to finish with "acceptable" grades. Just thought I would explain the mass blogging that was happening!:)

I want water

We have as a whole decided that we are going to try and teach little Antonio English while he is learning to talk. Therefore, we say and have him repeat words/phrases in English when we are talking to him. The other day as I was working with him I would point to something and tell him the English word for it. I would then say the Spanish name for it before repeating the English word. As I repeated this process again and again I was struck by how trusting he was. Children naturally learn the names of things from their parents or adults around them. However, have you ever really stepped back and thought about this. What if I was telling Antonio that the floor was really called the door. He had no way of really knowing what I was saying was right but with each repeated word he spoke with a confidence that said "she knows what she is talking about." He didn't really know what each word in the phrase meant. He simply knew that if he said I want water he got aqua.
In the same way I have learned to accept the words God has given me. My Father has given His word and I don't doubt it for a second but absorb it like a sponge. I may not be granted the secret of understanding all of the word yet but I keep listening to God's word hoping to one day know their true meanings. For when it comes to the knowledge of Christ I am an much like Antonio. Just as he put his trust in what I was saying I too put my faith in HIS words. There are still parts of this Christianty thing that I may not understand and am still figuring out. However, I will believe the words I want water will give me agua.

sunglasses

It seems like the kids are constantly getting a new pair of sunglasses. However, as quickly as the new pair comes they break them and go without again. Plus no matter how many times they receive another pair the novelty never seems to wear off. They get as excited for the 100th pair as they did for the first pair. While my dad was here he had the privilege of giving them each a new pair and watching the joy on their little faces as they jumped up and down with excitement. Of course I was there camera in hand ready to capture the "perfect" picture. Some of them turned out way cute and I couldn't resist sharing them with all of you!:)

Godless places

I recently found a song that touched my heart and has stayed there ever since.
As you know last week I spent quite a bit of time here as the "only momma" in
the house. What I may have forgotten to share with you is just how tiring that
could become. There were moments when I wanted to scream or just lay down and
sleep forabout 5 days straight. One of those days I came over to the apartment
to get a shower and take advantage of a few minutes away. Before heading to the
bathroom I walked over to the CD player and pushed play. Now for about the past
3 weeks we have had the same CD in so that was what I expected to hear. You can
imagine my surprise as the first song began and I was unfamiliar with the singer.
Deciding to listen and see what it was I continued on my way to the shower.
Just as I was stepping out of the shower song number four began to play. By the
time I got back out to the living room I had heard enough to make me want to start
the song over again and really focus on the words. As the song began again I began
to feel the tears pushing their way forward and my heart starting to soften.
I had come to the apartment in an attempt to escape. I was ready to hide from God
and everyone for at least a good 15 minutes. However, God took full advantage of
my emotional state and took the chance to break me in a way that I hadn't been
broken for awhile. Somewhere in the midst of the frustration I had forgotten why
we were here. I had forgotten the things of my past that had led me to this point.
I had indeed spent many days dragging HIS name through GODLESS places. I have
failed and I have floundered. Still no matter how bad I messed up or what I did
He wasright there with open arms. Just waiting for me to turn around and head back
for home.Yet there I was watching children who messed up and who were floundering
and I was ready to run from them. I was frustrated with them. I then thought of
the line "I've seen pain on broken faces" and it made me remember just how many
times my messing up had hurtthose I loved. How often had they been frustrated with
me and longed for nothing more than a chance to run from it all. Yet they stood by
me.They waited by the doorwatching for me to turn around and they prayed me through
those rough steps of life.I'm not saying that this song had some miraculous power
to keep me from every getting frustrated because there will always be moments of
frustration. However, it reminded me that when I was the biggest mess those were
the moments when I needed my loved ones the most. Those were the moments when I
needed to know that all I had to do was turn around and head back home and HE would
RUN to me.For those of you who have had moments in life where you've trudged through
the valley dragging God's name behind you through the mud you know what I'm talking
about. It is that feeling of knowing you have messed up and your head is so heavy
with shame that you can't even lift it. Thoseare the moments that we hope with all
our might that someone might reach out and hug us.It reminded me that when the kids
mess up and stand before me with their tear stained faces that what they need more
than anything is for me to kiss away their tears. I have felt those kisses and know
the feeling of Grace. After everything I had done God pulled me out of the pig pen,
wrapped me in in His cloak, and welcomed me back into the family.

I drug his name through godless places
And I’ve known shame that no child of his should know
I’ve seen pain on broken faces
Beyond all thought of hope
I was just too far from home
Still I always wondered when I closed my eyes

After all I’ve done
Could he run to me?
Would he kiss my face?
Could he even look at me?
After where I’ve been
should he take me back?
I would understand
I’ve disgraced him
But it would be amazing
If he still calls me son

With nothing left for me to bring him
I left my pride and turned my heart toward home
I saw my home on the horizon
And from a distance
I saw my Father
Watching for his own with forgiving eyes

After all I’d done
He just ran to me
Then he kissed my face
He would not let go of me
After where I’d been
He just welcomed me
I didn’t understand
But he put his robe on me
It was so amazing
That he still called me son

One day as I breathe my last
And I know my days on earth have ended
When every hour is spent
I will close my eyes in amazement
And I’ll hear angels
They’ll be singing

Amazing Grace
Cause he will run to me
And he will kiss my face
He will not let go of me
After where I’ve been
He will welcome me
I won’t understand
How he’ll put his robe on me
It will be amazing
That he’ll still call me son

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
When he calls me son
I once was lost but now I’m found
Cause he calls me Son