Thursday, March 22, 2007
Paint by numbers
If nothing else I want this blog to be a reflection of my true thoughts and feelings. I want it to be a place where I can be honest with my fears, joy, struggles, and experiences. So in keeping with that belief I want to be completely honest that I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER. I've said before that I don't want to be idolized for what I'm doing. I'm not better than anyone else who is doing God's work. In fact at times I feel like I'm less than worthy to be doing what I'm doing. I look at the faith and spiritual walks of others and I begin to wonder. I wonder just how it is I was the chosen child of God to be sent to this amazing job when there are so many others far more capable than I. I look upon the masterpieces of those around me and think how much I have to learn. They take the canvas God has given them and paint beautiful images that glorify Him and speak volumes of their love for Him. All while I am still struggling with the paint by numbers page that was set before me. I love what I am doing here and am proud to be chosen. However, there are moments when those inadequate feelings slip in and get a strong hold on my heart. So for all of you that think I'm confident or "spiritual" or have it all together you should know ....I don't. I'm just like all of you who wake up every day thinking God can't possibly be calling them to do a certain task. However, if God can speak through a donkey I guess he can use me to minister to the heart of Honduras and he can use you to do any number of jobs that He may be calling you to. We simply have to be willing to let Him. So even though my paint by numbers picture may look pathetic next to the great masterpieces of others I know that my Father is proud of me for simply picking up the brush.