Monday, March 19, 2007


As a 21 year old girl I have thought little about being a mom or what that would really mean. I don't dwell on the day I will have kids and how that will change my life. I certainly didn't think about how challenging that task might be. Well the day I stepped off of the plane and into the lives of these little ones that all changed. I had become a mom over night to not only one child but 10. With that fact came the realization that being a parent isn't easy. I was shocked to find out how quickly it came. You know what I'm talking about...that protective, loving, scared feeling that you get. That feeling that grabs tight to your heart and won't ever let go. These aren't my kids. They aren't my flesh and blood and I had no part in bringing them into the world. However, I feel just as connected to those children as their own mothers. They are a part of me now even if it is only because they each own a piece of my heart. Again I'm amazed at how quickly it came...that feeling you get each time you look at them. The desire to see them grow into healthy happy adults. The desire to keep them from harm. The desire to want the best for them and see them become successful in life. I've heard tons of people tell me that they wish they could make decisions for their children or lock them away until they were older. However, never before had I understood just what that meant until now. There are moments when they are walking to school, talking about girlfriends/boyfriends, or just looking especially mature that I want to take them into my arms and never let them get any older. I want to shield them from the ways of the world and any hurt it may bring. I want them to be the best at everything yet am afraid to let them try. Yep I would say that I'm fast on my way to knowing just what it is like to be a mom...and if that doesn't convince you let me share a couple stories that are sure to bring a smile. On Saturday Carlos and I were the only ones home watching the kids. Well early in the evening one of our boys had been sitting in "the seat" because he was in trouble. He had begun to play and apparently slipped and fell. Lets just say his face was the first thing to hit and he is already one that gets nose bleeds easily. One of our workers came running into the room yelling. Even though I didn't have any idea what she said I knew enough by her frantic behavior that I needed to move quickly. As I rounded the turn there was Mario screaming his head off with blood EVERYWHERE! For those of you that don't know me that well...I HATE BLOOD! I stopped dead in my tracks and stood their thinking "that is a lot of blood, that is a lot of blood, that is A LOT OF BLOOD!" I froze and was not real sure just what to do. Thankfully Carlos jumped to it like he did that sort of thing every day. Before I could get past "that is a lot of blood" he had towels and was taking Mario into his arms. Things finally started to click (or maybe it was the fact that Carlos had covered most of the blood with a towel) and I started to help. He ended up splitting his lip open and cracking his nose pretty good. He had a big bump on his head as well. After getting him cleaned up I took him into my arms and sat cradling him while holding ice to his mouth and nose. It was then that I lost it. I sat comforting him and shushing his tears while I was sobbing. The rest of the kids came over to the chair and had looks on their faces like what is wrong with Ashley. They all took turns kissing my knees and arms since that was all they could reach. They were comforting me while I did my best to comfort Mario. All I could think was that I wasn't cut out for this mom stuff. We are both fine now and Mario is quickly healing. However, I'm just glad to have that experience over and hope to be a little more prepared the second time around. To top the weekend off yesterday (Sunday) I had a little one throw up on me. I handle vomit about as well as I handle blood. I did manage to get her showered and then even cleaned up the floor/chair where she puked. Lets hope that was a sign that I'm getting better at this mom thing. When expressing my concerns of being a mom to a friend he responded "if you aren't cut out for this mom stuff then all the other women in this world are screwed!" Needless to say it was just what I needed to hear. That and the fact that bloody situations are a common occurrence.:) So to all you moms out there...and dads too...I applaud you for jobs well done. For devoting years to caring for little ones who bleed, vomited, and scared the day lights out of you. I understand how having children can age you! :)


Gary Simmons said...

Ashley Just wanted you to know that Tina and I are very proud of you. God has given you a gift and you had the faith to step out of the boat and onto the crashing waves. May God continue to bless you your family and your new ministry there. We love you take care. GARY

Chris said...

Your friend who told you that must be pretty