Have you ever had one of those moments when God all but sits you down and hands you a little piece of reality that you've been neglecting to notice on your own? I would say that God and I've had lots of those moments since He moved me here. The most recent "sit down chat" aka "reality check" came this past week.
You all have heard, read, or been there while I had melt downs about my future. It seems like not a week goes by when I don't question, doubt, or work to figure out my future. God and I have the "where am I headed" talk at least once every couple of weeks. I am constantly wrestling with the fact that I have NO clue what life will look like for me a year from now and I openly complain about the fact that I feel like the only one of my friends who doesn't have it figured out. Dramatic much.... why yes I am!
I mean I'm sure there are those of you out there that understand this feeling. That feeling of just wanting a little glimpse into what your future is going to look like. You long to know that the path you are on is indeed the one God would have you walking on if we were living perfectly in His will. I for one have always thought life would be so much better if God had just handed us an outline of our lives the second we came out of the womb. (nice image huh...)
Instead we have options, choices, road blocks, detours, and just far too many roads to pick from! This would be about the time the reality check happened......
I have spent the last few weeks on my knees before my Saviour begging for some kind of an idea as to where my life is headed. As I sit back and watch all my college friends get married, have kids, get apartments, get hired into full times jobs, etc.... I don't seem to have life any more figured out now than I did as an 18 year old high school grad.
I don't know what exactly finally made it click for me but recently I've begun to look around me. I started to truly see faces of Hondurans who are stuck in the lives they lead. They will likely never rise above what they were born into and yet they are content. When they look into their futures they don't have to wonder what it will look like or where they will be.... they just know that more than likely 2 years from now will still look much the same as today does. Chances are great they will marry, have kids, work their butts off, and remain living near/with their parents or other family. They don't wonder if they should go to college, they don't debate which college is best for them and then work to figure out how to pay it off once they've graduated from that "perfect" college, they don't fill out job applications and list all their credentials on one page hoping to get the job of their dreams, they don't plan expensive vacations that will allow them to see the world, they don't think about moving to another country to work or live among the people there, they just don't live lives like we do because quite frankly they don't have the opportunity to do so.
I suppose reality finally set in for me... I'm BLESSED to be one of those people who has choices. I'm BLESSED to be one of the people crying out to God about my future and getting frustrated when the answer seems less than clear. I'm BLESSED to have the choice of going to college or not. I'm BLESSED to be able to pick any college I want and know that although it may take years I CAN eventually pay it off. I am BLESSED to get to spend each day here in this country loving on some of the sweetest people I've ever met. I am .... as simply and humbly as I know how to say it... BLESSED. It is like I finally realized that my complaints about not knowing what I'm GOING to do should be praises for what I GET to do