Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Back at it

As some of you may already know I started back to school this semester. After a semester off I reenrolled at Malone and am now taking classes there as well as through the University of Pheonix. However, since the first day that these classes started I can't for the life of me figure out why I continue to take classes. Am I doing it for me or do I feel like I have to in order to please the world? More often than not I choke on the words as I tell someone I haven't finished college. I always rush on before I notice their disapproving stares to explain that I'm taking classes or that I plan to finish one day. I give any excuse to avoid the condemnation that always seems to follow such an announcement. I act ashamed of myself for choosing the path less traveled. Like not ever finishing makes me any less of the person I am today or as if a degree could ever define the person God is creating me to be. So again the question remains.... am I taking classes for me or because I feel like I have to in order to deafen the roar of the world? I've heard your arguments. I've seen your doubtful stares as I talk about being able to do life without a degree. I've been witness to your disapproval and I've listened politely as you explain the importance of education. I'm not doubting its importance...I'm glad there are people out there willing to spend time, money, and energy in going to school. It is obviously neccessary if we are going to continue to have doctors, teachers, lawyers, etc. I'm just doubting my place within the college world. I mean as of right now I'm charted as being a history major. It was one of the only majors I could finish from here and finishing from here was the only way I was interested in finishing. When I asked what types of jobs that could get me I was told I could work in government, business or even in public history! (museum studies, etc.) Sounds just like me huh. How many of you wanted to laugh as you pictured me in ANY of those jobs? As those images play before my eyes I realize that graduating with a history degree is me simply getting a degree to say I have one because I will NEVER use a degree in history. So yes the question still remains...why? What is my motivation behind any of this? I love you all dearly and take your warnings/suggestions to heart. For now I'm committed to doing these classes with excellence. It isn't hurting me one bit to work my brain a little for a change! :) Not at all sure what the long term goal is going to be or what any of it looks like....just wanted to take the chance to spill my heart. If you are lacking in things to pray about feel free to add this every confused girl to your list!

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