Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Leap of Faith

Today as I was standing out front playing with the kids I turned as I heard Katty call out "Mommy" I then had a one..two..three count warning as she launched herself off of the wall and into my arms. I was shocked to find her body come flying at me and managed to snag her out of the air before she plummeted to the ground. Of course as soon as I sat her down she wanted to do it again....and again...and again. You get the picture. I stood watching her throw herself off the ledge and sail through the air without a thought of what would happen if I didn't catch her. Time after time she threw herself into harms way certain that my waiting arms would break her fall. That scene has played and replayed in my is almost like someone keeps hitting rewind and watching the same movie clip over and over.

I'm struck by the wreckless abandon that comes with being a kid. The carefree and trusting way they live their lives. I've sat trying to remember ever being that way. Seeing as how I can't even do a trust fall without breaking someone's nose with my flailing arms it is hard to remember a time when I was every so trusting. When I was a little girl my daddy was my hero. He seemed larger than life and always chased away the bad things of the world. I'm sure I questioned him lots about every little detail in life (just ask him....I was the question girl!) ...yet when I really needed him I never doubted that he would come through for me. He wore the father title as well if not better than any dad I know.

So if I had a great example of trust as a child and am not suffering from any traumatic trust experience why is it that now that I'm older I seem to have lost my ability to trust? Why must I question every little detail of life and demand evidence that it really is safe to throw myself into the unknown? Why is it that even as our Heavenly Father stands with His arms outstretched that I find it so difficult to believe that He will catch me? I walk around scared as though at any moment someone will pull the rug out from underneath me and I'll go tumbling. I can't even tiptoe to the edge of the unknown and look over without getting nervous. So you can forget me running up to it and throwing myself over the edge in faith that my Savior will be there to break my fall. So for now I'm praying that I can some how find a bit of the carefree girl within me. The one that if for no other reason enjoyed the thrill of sailing over the edge because life is just too boring when you constantly keep both feet firmly planted on the ground. So I encourage you all to be like little Katty. Test how much trust you have and throw yourself over the edge. Take that leap of faith that you have been fearful of for so long.

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